Some peoples' lives seem to make sense to them early on. The rest of us have to dig around for awhile. Maybe a long while.
It's taken me until my early 50s (in 2011) to develop an understanding of my place in the world that feels fully my own.
Self-help books, often maligned and ridiculed, have helped.
I hope to keep growing until I die, but right now I'm at a joyful resting place.
These books have been part of the journey to get here. Perhaps they'll be meaningful to you, too.
Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz
Written in the early- 80s, when talk of dysfunctional families was all the rage. This book provides a helpful look at the losses suffered and roles adopted by children in such families, and what those roles often look like in adulthood. When I read it, I was catapulted, sobbing and relieved, into years of therapy.
Facing Shame by Merle A. Fossum
A comprehensive and easy to understand look at the part "toxic shame" can play in families, perfectionism, blame and anger. After I read this book, I became a much more comfortably imperfect, annoying, and human, human being.
When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Harold S. Kushner
My upbringing was agnostic by name. In practice, it was critical and fearful of religion and spirituality. This book, written by a rabbi, provided me with the first glimpse of god to which I could feel a connection.
Nurture by Nature by Paul Tieger
This book helps parents use the Meyers-Briggs Personality Inventory to understand their children and families. It is a friendly and non-judgemental book. It helped me understand that something I'd viewed as a personality flaw was actually a temperamental trait. What a relief!
Escaping into the Open by Elizabeth Berg
About writing. She encourages people who want to be published to send their stuff out "if they write at all well." Of course, it was published in the early 2000s. Times, and my feelings about writing have changed. But it is still an encouraging and fun book.
The Renaissance Soul : Life Design for People with Too Many Passions to Pick Just One by Margaret Lobenstine
I don't know why I need a book to validate my reality, but I do, and this one did. The subtitle says it all.
Lit: A Memoir by Mary Karr
Not a self-help book, but a memoir of the author's descent into alcoholism, scramble into recovery, and subsequent turn to Catholicism. I found great value in her discussion of god "having a dream" for each of us, and from how she talks about prayer.
