Here are the words:
Actually, I'm happy with my plan.
I first discovered the potential magic of these words while working as an instructional assistant in a special education classroom. One student, Chris, never met a schedule, instruction, or assignment that he didn't want to change. Plus, he didn't have the impulse control to stop himself from sharing them with us. Frequently. Every day. For two years.
"Why do we have to...?" he'd ask. "I think we should..." he'd offer, "But last time we..." he'd remind us. It was constant. CON. STANT. My co-workers and I were exhausted.
We cajoled him that we were not teaching by committee. We provided positive reinforcement for non-disruptive behavior. We lost our patience.
"Todd and I can work together!" Chris announced that day last May. Chris and Todd were both smart, fun boys and I liked them a lot. And there were sooooo many reasons I didn't want them to work together.
"Actually," I said, "I'm happy with my plan. We'll stick to it." He kept trying, and I reiterated just how satisfied I was with my plan.
The real difference the six words made for me was at home.
My partner Barbara and I have been together since 1985. We have extremely different strengths, so it's been vital for us to learn from each other. Even after so long, however, I continued to bristle at her suggestions for how I could do things more efficiently, intentionally, or frugally. Kind of like how she doesn't always find my spontanaeity and absent-mindedness entirely charming. Imagine.
My co-workers and I were going to the school auction. We would meet on Queen Anne Hill and take a cab. Barbara had many ideas about how we could get to the Seattle waterfront, none of which involved a cab or paying for parking. They were fine ideas and I didn't want to do any of them. I remembered my earlier conversation with Chris.
"Actually, honey," I said "I'm happy with our plan."
"Oh," she said. She seemed a bit startled, but that ended of the conversation.
Wow! That's all it took? A simple, declarative statment? We had maybe one more exchange like that and 26 years of an uncomfortable dynamic disappeared like vapor in the wind.
Credit where credit's due, of course. Barbara is a willing and efficient learner.
Now, I wonder what six words out there might help me become less absent-minded?
If you use these six words or some other phrase that's made a difference in your life, I hope you'll let me know.
What does writing have in common with sexual orientation? Tune in to my next blog to find out!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
Joining In
The stereo had to die before we'd get a new system, so twenty years after CD players hit the market, we bought one. Shortly afterward, iPods made their appearance, rendering our shiny new CD player close to obsolete.
Since I buy many of my clothes used, I am typically 2-5 years behind in fashion, but it works for me.
It follows that I wouldn't start a blog until the market was thoroughly saturated, everyone else had begun tweeting and blogs were on their way to becoming passe.
At least I'm consistent.
And a smidgen obsessed with wanting my actions to feel congruent with my values and beliefs. Until now I couldn't view my own incipient blogging as anything other than a plug for attention.
Not that attention's a bad thing. It's just that we have some history, Ms. Attention and I. Baggage if you will.
I had to introspect about this for a long time..
Today I finally understood; my best experiences with writing have been when I had something to say from my heart on a topic that was important to me. They weren't about getting attention or boosting my ego.
Sheesh. So simple. But isn't that true of most of the important lessons we learn? We can't rush them no matter how obvious they seem. Plus, they often sound like cheesy self-help platitudes. But to the person experiencing them, they can have great depth and value
In my little corner of the blogosphere, I'll write a lot about personal growth- 100% free of ego-enhancing-additives! (Okay, maybe 97%. On a good day.) My hope is that my words will be of use to a reader now and then.
Do you have someone in your life who likes to tell you how to do things, whether you want them to or not? Stay tuned for my next blog post, because I have six words that are just waiting to change your life!
Since I buy many of my clothes used, I am typically 2-5 years behind in fashion, but it works for me.
It follows that I wouldn't start a blog until the market was thoroughly saturated, everyone else had begun tweeting and blogs were on their way to becoming passe.
At least I'm consistent.
And a smidgen obsessed with wanting my actions to feel congruent with my values and beliefs. Until now I couldn't view my own incipient blogging as anything other than a plug for attention.
Not that attention's a bad thing. It's just that we have some history, Ms. Attention and I. Baggage if you will.
I had to introspect about this for a long time..
Today I finally understood; my best experiences with writing have been when I had something to say from my heart on a topic that was important to me. They weren't about getting attention or boosting my ego.
Sheesh. So simple. But isn't that true of most of the important lessons we learn? We can't rush them no matter how obvious they seem. Plus, they often sound like cheesy self-help platitudes. But to the person experiencing them, they can have great depth and value
In my little corner of the blogosphere, I'll write a lot about personal growth- 100% free of ego-enhancing-additives! (Okay, maybe 97%. On a good day.) My hope is that my words will be of use to a reader now and then.
Do you have someone in your life who likes to tell you how to do things, whether you want them to or not? Stay tuned for my next blog post, because I have six words that are just waiting to change your life!
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