Six Words that Could Change (part of your) Life!

Here are the words:
Actually, I'm happy with my plan.

I first discovered the potential magic of these words while working as an instructional assistant in a special education classroom. One student, Chris, never met a schedule, instruction, or assignment that he didn't want to change. Plus, he didn't have the impulse control to stop himself from sharing them with us. Frequently. Every day. For two years.

"Why do we have to...?" he'd ask. "I think we should..." he'd offer, "But last time we..." he'd remind us. It was constant. CON. STANT. My co-workers and I were exhausted.

We cajoled him that we were not teaching by committee. We provided positive reinforcement for non-disruptive behavior. We lost our patience.

"Todd and I can work together!" Chris announced that day last May. Chris and Todd were both smart, fun boys and I liked them a lot. And there were sooooo many reasons I didn't want them to work together.

"Actually," I said, "I'm happy with my plan. We'll stick to it." He kept trying, and I reiterated just how satisfied I was with my plan.

The real difference the six words made for me was at home.
My partner Barbara and I have been together since 1985. We have extremely different strengths, so it's been vital for us to learn from each other. Even after so long, however, I continued to bristle at her suggestions for how I could do things more efficiently, intentionally, or frugally. Kind of like how she doesn't always find my spontanaeity and absent-mindedness entirely charming. Imagine.

My co-workers and I were going to the school auction. We would meet on Queen Anne Hill and take a cab. Barbara had many ideas about how we could get to the Seattle waterfront, none of which involved a cab or paying for parking. They were fine ideas and I didn't want to do any of them. I remembered my earlier conversation with Chris.

"Actually, honey," I said "I'm happy with our plan."

"Oh," she said. She seemed a bit startled, but that ended of the conversation.

Wow! That's all it took? A simple, declarative statment? We had maybe one more exchange like that and 26 years of an uncomfortable dynamic disappeared like vapor in the wind.

Credit where credit's due, of course. Barbara is a willing and efficient learner.

Now, I wonder what six words out there might help me become less absent-minded?

If you use these six words or some other phrase that's made a difference in your life, I hope you'll let me know.



What does writing have in common with sexual orientation? Tune in to my next blog to find out!